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Romantic love is a key goal for many people. Falling in love with someone can feel exciting, even exhilarating.


By: Courtney Carmody. Or perhaps you feel you never even meet anyone you can connect to?

Is falling in love a choice? we asked relationship experts & here's what they said

Or nobody ever wants to be in a relationship with you? Our new sister site harleytherapy. Are you waiting to fall in love just like the movies? You might be waiting a long time. Films, TV shows, and books are businesses that want to sell and make money.

Why some don’t want to fall in love

And to do so they sell us a fantasy of love. Often what you are being shown is just lust and obsession, or even romantic addictionand not love at all.

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This means they overlook people around them who could make a good long-term partner leading to actual love. Or, worse, throw themselves into addictive, destructive liaisons that fizzle out and leave them depressed and anxious.

3 reasons you can't fall in love, even though you want a relationship

By: Andy Wright. Real love is a calm connection of trust between two people where you are appreciated and supported for fully being yourself, and that means all sides of yourself. How can other people fall in love with you if you are so confusing that they are not sure who you really are?

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The more you know yourself, the more you can allow others to know you and love you. We are all of course a work-in-progress. We learn and grow, and we do change things like our interests and hobbies.

There’s no one answer to how long it takes to fall in love

A secret to finding love is to search for someone who shares personal values with you, not shares surface things like dress sense and taste in music. Sharing personal values mean you will approach life the same way and agree on what really matters. By: Lady Orlando. Be brave and let go of what does not align with your values. Start to do things that truly bring you joy, no matter what others think.

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Many people get so obsessed on finding a partner they let the rest of their life slide by. They lose site entirely of what excites them in life.

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Then, if they do get into a relationship, they expect the other person to make them feel happy which they no long do for themselves by having activities and interests. And they wonder why it all goes wrong! Setting goals and working to reach life goals means you provide your own sense of purpose and self-esteem instead of relying on others for it. And goals again put you in situations to meet people who share your interests. By: Richard Overtoom. Except loving ourselves all the time is a really big ask for most of us, and could even be seen as unrealistic.

Try self-compassion instead.

“i want to fall in love” – how to be ready for real love

Each time you are being hard on yourself, imagine that you are not talking to yourself, but to a good friend instead. What would you say to him or her?

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Does your tone soften and change? Could you give at least that much support and empathy to yourself?

How to fall in love—even in the age of ghosting and orbiting—according to the pros

Why is it that you want to fall in love? Is it that you are bored with your life and need excitement? Or that everyone else around you has a partner and you want to fit in? A relationship does not solve your problems for you. If anything it just amplifies your problems. For example, those with low self-esteem often attract those who are critical and looking to feel better about themselves by putting someone down.

The difference between loving someone and being in love with them

Buy some good self development booksa course or support group, or hire a coach or counsellor if needed. A part of us is still obsessed with an ex. Or we have experienced a past trauma that means we are afraid that letting ourselves love someone will hurt too much.

These are issues that need to be worked through, often with a therapist.

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A good therapist can help you identify the core beliefs and childhood patterning that is behind your inability to love. And they can also diagnose any personality disorder that might be blocking your ability to connect and relate. Personality disorders mean we see and experience the world in a totally different way than most people.

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Examples include borderline personality disorderwhere your emotions are so intense you end up in endless short-term relationships, or avoidant personality disorderwhere you just find relating to others just too much work. Want to work with a warm, friendly, and highly experienced therapist about your issues with love? Harley Therapy connects you with top therapists in central London.

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Somewhere else in the UK, or a different country entirely? Try our new sister site where you can book Skype and phone therapy wherever you are. Or share your personal experience with other readers?

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Use the public comment box below. If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist. Book Therapy Here. Always Feeling Alone In a Crowd? What is Hypnotherapy?

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And, lemme tell ya, that isn't so easy.


Love tends to be somewhat complicated.


Falling in love is something that so many people have experienced, but remains a sensation that's almost impossible to put your finger on.


By: Steven Finkelstein.